Memory, again
Some time ago I wrote an ill-advised post on the nature of memory and on our amazing capacity to recall the negative and forget the positive. Canadian researchers in a minor study have concluded that traumatic memories are in fact easier to remember than positive ones. While the study doesn’t explore any physiological or other physical reasons for this, it’s nonetheless an interesting notion. Again the challenge arises for us to be civil and love each other, when it seems it is far easier to hold on to grudges of the past.
Steve,
I think there maybe something to this. It certainly is true of me. I much more easily seem to recall the bad (and sometimes throw this in my husband’s face:( ), than the positive. How do we change this?
Comment by Rebecca — February 23, 2007 @ 12:49 am
Rebecca, beats me! Maybe this is one of the more divine aspects of the Atonement. God says that He remembers our sins no more when we repent; maybe part of what makes God omnipotent is His power over memory and perception.
Comment by Steve Evans — February 23, 2007 @ 1:03 am
One of my favourite poems is ‘Any Human to Another by Countee Cullen. Cullen says it is misery and pain that has the potential to unite us.
Your every grief
Like a blade
Shining and unsheathed
Must strike me down.
Of bitter aloes wreathed,
My sorrow must be laid
On your head like a crown.
Or, as Bob Dylan and Sam Shepard say, ‘Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content.’
Maybe our common suffering and empathy for others’ suffering has the power to unite us.
Comment by Norbert — February 23, 2007 @ 9:03 am
I have a vague memory (so not an unpleasant experience) of reading of old boundary surveys being conducted with young boys in tow who would be beat with sticks all the while so that they would remember the boundaries the rest of their lives. The beating was done under the theory that unpleasant memories are the best retained. And at last there is Canadian proof that it’s true!
Comment by John Mansfield — February 23, 2007 @ 9:22 am
Interestingly (or not) I display the opposite tendency - I tend to completely forget the bad events or difficult times. It usually doesn’t take long, either, and it hopefully isn’t a sign of old age (I’m in my mid-thirties).
I never seem to remember how painful or difficult an event was. Mostly that is a good thing, but sometimes it can be quite frustrating. I recently underwent a few medical tests, and fortunately my wife was there to give the physician my medical history. Half the events of the past 15 years I had completely forgotten about, a couple of which were fairly major.
Granted, when I am reminded of the events and think back I do recall the traumatic ones fairly clearly, but until that reminder I just blithely go along…
Comment by rtswen — February 23, 2007 @ 9:34 am
As I look back at past chapters of my life — high school, mission, college — I’m far more likely to remember the good times than the bad times. Maybe I’m just different. I can think of a few jobs that in retrospect just sucked, but they pretty much just sucked while I was doing them too.
Comment by Matt Thurston — February 23, 2007 @ 9:39 am
The fact that so many people have fond memories of their missions is proof-positive that that theory is wrong.
Comment by Rusty — February 23, 2007 @ 9:46 am
I would have to say that I too remember the good times more than the bad. But as I talk to many people they tend to display the opposite.
This was however before my tenure in corporate America. The last few years almost exclusive to work I remember the Bad things. I am glad it has not yet translated to other facets of my life. I have only been in Corporate America about 3 years. I used to run my own business. I will return to that line very soon.
I’ve got to get out now while I still can!!!
Comment by Ben — February 23, 2007 @ 9:53 am
It seems that the pleasant memory of the past participle “beaten” has been completely overcome by the colloquial “beat”.
Fowler refers to the “old” past participial form “beat”, so perhaps it’s just part of the restoration of all things.
“Beaten” was a small word, but there are those that love her.
Comment by Mark B. — February 23, 2007 @ 9:53 am
I feel like I don’t remember a lot from my childhood, but my husband is amazed at the stuff I can remember. A lot of bad stuff went down in my family when I was a kid, so that explains it.
Comment by Susan M — February 23, 2007 @ 10:01 am
That whole Stumbling on Happiness or whatever by the Boston psychologist that made the NPR circuit speaks a lot more to this and if this is your gig I would recommend the book. (I’m less enamored of experimental and theoretical psychology).
I suspect we are more likely to remember what matches our current state: we project the present onto the past. Since we are uncommonly happy at the present moment, our memories will likely be less commonly happy.
(There is also that whole idea that pain is dangerous, so it’s more important to avoid, which stinks of teleological evolutionary speculation).
Comment by smb — February 23, 2007 @ 10:16 am
smb, it’s most definitely NOT my gig, but I think I understand what you’re getting at. Project is definitely part of the equation, but I am skeptical that it’s dispositive. I’ve seen plenty of people whose current state doesn’t bear a relationship to their perceived memories…
You have a problem with evolutionary psychology? Neanderthal.
Comment by Steve Evans — February 23, 2007 @ 10:22 am
When I’m seriously thinking, I recall that my past was not always really happy. But my more general tendancy is to be very sentimental, and remember the best, even of difficult times. (There are some exceptions - the first seperation with my ex-wife, I honestly remember very little of it - and what I do remember is so much worse than dreadful - a couple of other times where I really hit rock bottom). My wife teases me that I say things like “remember last week? Wasn’t that great? Those sure were the golden times …”
~
Comment by Thomas Parkin — February 23, 2007 @ 12:14 pm
Just the other day I went back to the old Banner of Heaven site. Those were the golden days in the Bloggernacle.
Comment by CS Eric — February 23, 2007 @ 3:28 pm
Resisting the urge to click on the first link was probably wise of me. Thank you for using the apt, if understated, adjective “ill-advised.” Forewarned was forearmed.
I would like to suggest that it would be far easier for me to forget certain negative experiences if you didn’t keep bringing them up, Steve.
Comment by Ann — February 23, 2007 @ 3:48 pm
Your prior post was very traumatic for me and I still remember every detail of it, you bastard.
I vaguely recall reading a recent follow up that you wrote, admitting that you were wrong and talking about some Canadian research. I really can’t remember much about that post, though. Where was it again?
Comment by Kaimi — February 23, 2007 @ 4:43 pm
Hadn’t bothered to read prior post then or now (until noticing 14-16). If it’s useful to you, I have no memories positive or negative of your faux blog, though I am very proud to discover that you participated in it.
I actually went through a phase (not yet over) of very much wanting to write a biography of a fictional character as an experiment in novelistic form and put in 3-point type upside down on the back page some disclaimer that the biography was a work of fiction to avoid getting attacked as it appears you were. I think it was meant to be a protest about the replacement of fiction with popularized history and biography.
Comment by Sam MB — February 23, 2007 @ 10:34 pm
There are actually quite a few studies pointing this out. This is but one in the series. The reasons for it are due to the neurology of the brain. You might find this study of interest.
Comment by Clark — February 24, 2007 @ 12:05 am
I think some people just generally have better long-term memories than others. My older sister is considered the “family memory” and has many more stories to tell about our childhood, and not just b/c she was alive a few years longer. I have a tendency to forget both good and bad memories - perhaps having children sucked away my memory brain cells.
Comment by jab — February 24, 2007 @ 8:54 am
Actually that doesn’t matter.
Just write, and that’s good enough.
Comment by Sc — February 24, 2007 @ 2:04 pm
test — my comments aren’t showing up for some reason
Comment by Clark Goble — February 24, 2007 @ 3:20 pm
For the most part, I can easily recall happiness in large, fullfilling waves. There are, however, small fires burning brightly of pain- and those, too can be recalled in excruciating detail… But what that tells me is those are the things the Lord requires me to work with him on the miracle of forgiveness. It’s a hard lesson to remember.
Regarding the previous, er, ill-advised post- your summation was correct- it is in fact the pound of flesh remembered, and very little of the act of art.
Comment by Tracy M — February 24, 2007 @ 6:02 pm
I too dwell on the negative too much but I also find that certain things remind me of the good things in my life. Case in point, 22 years ago I was hired in the Salt Lake Office of an architectural firm. The managing partner that hired me was in Denver. I had two very pleasant experiences with him in the first 3 months of employment and then he transferred to the New York office in January of 1985. In the Spring of 1992 I was working in the Washington DC office of the same firm and he was there for a meeting. Despite the distance in time (7 years) his reaction to me was so generous that I was overwhlemed by his kindness. I have long since left that firm but he is still there. Just recently I ran across some news of an honor he was given and I sent him a note of congratulations via e-mail. Despite the fact that 15 years have now passed since our last encounter, he remebered me and sent another kind note. I have these positive feelings for him while, at the same time, harbouring very negative feelings for another partner of his whom I worked for in DC. It is interesting the way the heart - and mind - work together to make us whole. I guess it is up to us to decide which influence will rule our lives.
Comment by lamonte — February 25, 2007 @ 12:44 pm
It’s worth noting that grudges seldom relate to anything that is actually traumatic.
Gary Graffman, the famous American pianist of the Russian school, wrote in his memoirs:
On several occasions, I’ve lent people money and they haven’t paid me back. I’m fine with this, because I’ll not lend money unless I’m willing to kiss it goodbye. The funny thing is that those who do not repay inevitably become angry at me and no longer wishes to associate with me.
The bottom line is this: We prefer to be owed favors rather than to owe. We are, therefore, rather more assiduous at tracking the shortcomings of others than we are at tracking our own. Hence grudges.
Comment by DKL — February 25, 2007 @ 2:30 pm
Perhaps the tendency to remember the bad is God-given so that we will progress. Consider the Nathaniel Hawthorne quote: “The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man inevitably confines himself within ancient limits.”
Comment by Carol F. — February 25, 2007 @ 4:16 pm